The Brouhaha Around Ugandan Illuminati.

By Arthur M. M. Katabalwa.

Over the last few weeks and months, Uganda has been gripped with a torrent of conspiracy stories and theories on just about anything. From the death of General Aronda to the bandaged arm of the President all has been shrouded in conspiracy theories. It is nonstop. But the one which has been very prominent is the presence of illuminati people in Uganda.

A brief history of these people that I found out says that The Illuminati (Plural of Latin illuminatus) is a name given to several groups, both real and fictitious. Historically the name usually refers to the Bavarian Illuminati, an Enlightenment-era secret society founded on May 1, 1776. The society's goals were to oppose superstition, obscurantism, religious influence over public life and abuses of state power (Wikipedia). The reasons why the illuminati were formed, to oppose superstition and obscurantism have not been exactly what has happened. The other catching word is "fictitious". They are also supposedly "enlightened".

Singer Irene Ntale.

Personally I have had interest in such groups for a long time. In the late 90s when I was having a pretty boring weekend, I wondered into a Moonies conference on Bayswater Road, Central London. I thought to myself "why not? Let me see what happens with these guys." The room was full of Oriental people. Chinese, Cambodians, Vietnamese and then there was myself. The only black person. They were very kind and they gave me a cup of tea. I made sure that we all drunk from the same pot of tea just in case.

I was invited back a week later. Now, anyone might say that I was being incredibly stupid but loneliness and (probably) a journalistic inquisitiveness made me go back. On the second visit was when the gravity of the situation I was letting myself in sank. For I was told that the Reverend Moon himself (their leader) would be conducting one of those mass weddings and that I would be chosen a bride. Several things presented themselves to me as a massive problem. The first was that I was spoken for at the time. I was in a romantic relationship. Then I thought if I were to tell my father that I was getting hooked up like so, he would feed me to the lions. OK, the Vietnamese ladies were quite good looking but needless to say I made my excuses and left.

Later on in Stoke On Trent, I was invited to join the local chapter of the Free Masons. Again I went to find out what was what. I can say that this time I was older and wiser. They meet in a non descript building in the Shelton area of the city. I walked in and yet again I was the only black person. I stuck out like a sore thumb! It was full of men having a drink and generally making merry. Not at any one time was I worried that I would have a stake shoved up my nether regions and then through my mouth and roasted over a slow fire. Nope. In fact it felt like an older version of the boy scouts.

Now here in Uganda we are having everyone who is vaguely famous being accused of being in this illuminati group. Can someone please tell me where they have their meetings from? Because if one notices none of these people are broke. They are all well heeled, driving nice cars. They are enlightened and I need some of that enlightenment too. The illuminati are also responsible for recruiting people into this gay stuff. They are even responsible for Arondas death (among so many other simply ludicrous stories). I am told that a certain evangelical pastor even said that he was one of them and people believed him. I think the joke is on us!

Irene Ntale (above) one of the young musical starlets in Uganda has been accused of being in the illuminati. In a strong defense of herself in an article she penned in The New Vision, she highlighted something that is true to our society. Nothing happens without a reason. Her perceived success in the music industry if not got through dodgy ways has been through voodoo. Irene defended herself well. She shorne a light on the grind of making music and tours. She is constantly on the move. And in an industry that will spit you out after it has chewed you, she knows that being relevant and remaining relevant is a constant battle.

People who fail to understand the origin of wealth will invariably try and explain it through people sleeping around, voodoo or as it is now, the illuminati. Nothing happens here in Uganda (according to some) through sheer hard work. If one accumulates wealth then that person has dodgy methods. We must move on from such rubbish. Aronda died due to an unfortunate sequence of events. Not by some invisible hand of the government of Uganda because he was supporting Mbabazi. Museveni has a badly bruised hand. Not because (as rumors have passed around) he is suffering from some ugly cancer. And yes Michael Jackson is dead not living in some fancy oxygen chamber in a vault guarded by the illuminati armed forces. And if the illuminati really exist and they are controlling us, someone please tell me where they meet because I need to visit them and see what the hell is going on.

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