A Boob Affair

By Bernard Olupot.

Today there was a heated argument at my workplace and it had everything to do with the #NoBraDay that was on 13th October. Now before I get into the details of the argument, allow me give you a little description of my workplace and its interesting inhabitants. You see, I work at a very interesting place where the employees are quite talkative, somewhat noisy, overly expressive and dangerously opinionated. This therefore means that whenever a topic of discussion (gossip) shows up, we devour it with extreme pleasure and utmost intensity. Occasionally tempers flare and unhealthy words get exchanged. However, the one thing that remains a constant is that no one gets a black eye and eventually lessons are learnt albeit with one or two egos bruised. Threats might be exchanged here and there but really we are one big happy family.

Today, one of the workmates thought it wise to bring to our attention the issue of men unhooking or undoing the ladies’ bras. Now while I am no expert at the subject of bras, I humbly submitted my opinion that every man ought to know how to unhook or undo a woman’s bra. I went ahead to offer the argument that there are days when the lady of the house might come from work, worn out and battered and she would use the help of her man to undo the bra. At that point Garry (who paid me not to reveal his real name) weighed in by boldly revealing that he had never found reason to learn how to undo a bra.

You should have seen the look on everyone’s face. The guys looked shocked and some of the ladies shot Garry the ‘you-must-be-kidding’ look. The old man ( I will call him that because he is not from our era) went on to insist that back in the day putting off the bra was the business of the lady while the gentleman simply sat back and concentrated on other things; like looking at how many wigs she is wearing and counting how many body stockings she has on. What a sad time that was!

Within a few minutes of the rather sad revelation by Garry, free bra-undoing advice began going around. As the discussion (argument) came to a close, a few lessons were learnt by each and everyone and I will sum them up in four special points.

1 – It would be nice to have another #NoBraDay soon.

2 – Every man needs to know how to unhook / undo a bra. Any woman who has a man that cannot undo a bra should give him an ultimatum to learn or find a man who can.

3 – When women are picking out bras, they need to not only think about their cleavage and boobs but also about how easily their men will be able to undo the bras.

4 – Boobs are heaven sent, there is no sense in hiding them all the bloody time. Ladies with healthy cleavage should particularly pick 3 of 7 days in a week to go bra-less.

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
Follow @beewol on Twitter

Best Of Times.

Maybe We Shared The Best of Times,
But No Body Cries,
No Body Lies.

We Would Do It The Same,
I think, The Next Time Round,
God Knows We Would.

Maybe We Shared The Best Of Times,
But No Body Cries,
No Body Lies.

Lear Kalanguka, The new Miss Uganda 2014.

By Arthur Katabalwa.

The arguments in offices up and down the country this morning is about the just concluded Miss Uganda 2014 pageant that was held at Munyonyo this weekend just gone and whether the right person was chosen. I have been monitoring the comments online, twitter and Facebook are in overdrive. Whatever one feels about the winner, we all must give the contestants a break, not just the winner.

Lear Kalanguka, Miss Uganda 2014

This morning, I reckon out some misplaced sympathy, I decided to subject myself to a proper treat at the saloon. I planked myself in the first chair and sold my soul to the men and women in this place. I decided that so as not to feel violated, I took restive control of my mind. Two hours later, I was still being pampered. I could not for the life of me, understand why it took an epoch to wash my hair. It had been cut off anyway.

But my thoughts were running to those poor contestants. When I walked into the office, I drew some considerable attention as I finally looked human. But that is where it stopped. The contestants on Miss Uganda must have gone through endless hours being pruned.

Many see these contests as sexist. I personally don't mind them. No one is forced to go and participate. I must, however say that I find something morbid about sitting there and look at the contestants. It's like participatory ogling I suppose. Only that this time it is accepted. I want to see any man who would subject themselves to that kind of attention.

The vitriolic narrative that has now permeated through the media and online is, in my view, unacceptable. We have had a winner according to the rules that have been set by  the powers that be. It is therefore disingenuous of us to cry "we was robbed" when the winner was announced.  Ms Lear Kalanguka was very articulate. She put all the other contestants in her wake when various questions were put to her. A friend of mine remarked; "From the pool that applied and were selected, she has been chosen as the best."  Now let us all put up or shut up.

The poor girl is now going to immerse herself in all sorts of promotional projects. Isn't it a departure from the usual? Many people identify with agriculture and my wish is that she prospers in her venture. We have a truly indigenous Miss Uganda and let us all rally behind her and support her endeavors.

For You today.

"It will be for a thousand years......."

With Phiona Bizzu, Miss Uganda 2012 who dropped in at my office in Kampala this morning.

The Dixon Okello Column! Why do some Ugandan women act like prostitutes?

By Arthur M. Katabalwa.

I have just read an article by my very good friend Dixon Okello on the website www.xclusive.co.ug and in my view the only exclusivity this article has is its sheer misogynist views and complete disregard to all women in Uganda. It must be rejected in its strongest terms. The article is at:
http://xclusive.co.ug/2014/10/16/dixon-okello-column-uganda-women-act-prostitutes/#.VEe1SiKUcqQ

First of all let me write that I have the deepest respect for all women. After seeing my son being born, I bet you no man, however brave one may be can go through that. Let me also say that so many girls are like what my brother Dixon describes. But I think it is unfair to pen such an article in such general terms.

Dixon with a well dressed Cindy.

One of the quotations that first made my jaw drop was "You think Ugandan men are unfaithful? No way..." Errmmm hello... Yes way! We are allowed to marry as many women as we want. How many women does one hear of having children in more than one man? But we have kids from multiple women. It is almost accepted that a "man" will have children from more than one woman. Just watch the tension when a wealthy man dies without first putting matters of his house in order. All of a sudden these women will come out of the woods to introduce more of his kids. Has anyone ever been at a funeral of a wealthy woman and all these men come to say "she was our wife". This is utter nonsense. They may be unfaithful women out there. They are good at it but my brothers are more unfaithful!

Apparently, a Ugandan woman generally is no longer looked upon with pride as a wife or girlfriend. We just close our eyes and hope or the best. I really don't know where Dixon gets this from. I think anyone who has a Ugandan girlfriend or has just gotten married should be worried. Sorry guys, accordingly you have cheap whores! They are not worthy of your spit!

You see, in this parallel world, most Ugandan women are searching for fame and debasing themselves. How? You find many middle aged married women boasting about celebrities both local and international that they have slept with. I must say that celebrities are having a ball with married Ugandan women. And all you married men, if your wife says she wants to go and watch some random show at Lugogo, bolt the doors!!! They are going to have a good seeing to by this celebrity. If you believe that then the Pope isn't Catholic.

"Ugandan guys now generalize most Ugandan girls and women as cheap whores" Quickly, I am definitely not one of them. But why would we generalize them as such? There shameless acts are all over the internet! Where? Has anyone ever seen a porn site dedicated to whores from... (sorry) Kireka? I doubt so. They dance half naked in night clubs while we men are fully clothed. You whores (sorry again) visit any other city in the world. Its OK. You are dressed! And believe me I have seen the others. Things are tame here. At least Lokodo said something the other month although I am glad it was ignored.

Recently there was a lot of brouhaha in the world media about some ladies whose phones had been hacked and nude photos taken. Did anyone hear of Namakula from Kigo? She had her phone hacked as well and no, she only had photos of hers standing next to hibiscus plant. That is a lie! My point is that there were no Ugandan women there but in that article we are made to believe that the internet is awash with Ugandan women naked in gynecological poses.

And so what if they are sending these photos? My view on life, which is ultra liberal is that people should be given the space to be immoral. It spices life up. And what would the problem be if these Ugandan whores are sending these photos to their men? They definitely know a thing or two. Sex isn't what happens that crucial time between brushing ones teeth before bed and going to sleep. That's so mechanical. These whores teach us we Ugandan men that they can entice us through the day.

General Sweetman comments at the bottom of the article; "Leave our girls be, we love them the way they are.." Well said General. I share your sentiment. Still, I don't see how that question is answered. And I also hope that when I meet my very good friend Dixon Okello we will shake hands and agree to disagree.