Am I Naturally A Polygamist?

By Arthur M. Katabalwa.

The Worlds most famous polygamist, South African President Jacob Zuma and his four wives.

A few days ago, I met a lay preacher in one of the suburbs in Kampala. He is an amiable 76 year old man with a stooping walk. I am naturally comfortable in the company of people like this. We started talking about his job and later the conversation went about his family. That was when he dropped a bombshell. He is polygamous!!! I thought that was a contradiction as he was a lay preacher. He should surely be promoting monogamy. That was when he sat me down and he talked to me about the intricacies of culture and the need to maintain it.

In my life I have had a number of women who have called themselves my wives. As a kid, about three elderly women constantly referred to me as a husband. For some reason, even now as an adult, I have failed to shake off that "reputation" (for want of a better word). A close girl friend of mine, Namanda the other day asked how many women I had in my life. For whatever protestations I gave, she refused to believe that I have been monogamous. Admittedly I have an inordinate number of female friends who are within my inner circle. In fact they are the majority. But this is because I actually enjoy their company and I think they enjoy my company.

For a while, I have taken interest in this subject. Why is it that in many parts of the world we have polygamous relationships? In the west, it is frowned upon. And to some extent, within African societies it is frowned upon but accepted. Another close girl friend of mine, Hamida, who is highly educated said to me that as long as she was the first wife, she did not care if her husband had more wives. I put it down to the fact that she is Muslim. But she vehemently rejected that notion with the argument that she would rather know her husband had another woman rather that suspect he was actually cheating.

Nelson Mandela enjoying the company of Winne and Graca.

There are cultures that peoples of the world hold dear to themselves. And when these cultures are faced with religion, especially Christianity, and the western cultures, they are looked upon as backward. But why are they looked upon as such? In our African tradition where wealth is sometimes apportioned by the number of wives and kids a man has in their homestead it has served certain purposes. We look at these things in the isolation of education, foreign cultural intrusion and economics. Many traditionalist families have strong family bonds because, much as it may seem implausible, when there have been multiple relationships, the need to offset emotions sometimes is divided.

One cultural practice that I find incredibly out of touch is female genital mutilation. The societies who practice this have many reasons for this practice but the general tide is against it. But in parallel to this, we have male circumcision. And this is still widely accepted. When I have had conversations with some of my contemporaries from the UK they have been mortified with the idea that a young male would be arraigned in the village square and have his foreskin chopped off without anesthetic. In the same way my contemporaries in Uganda find it mortifying that in the west a man can share a bathroom or toilet with his mother in law.

We all have our quirks. We all have our beliefs and in some ways we may find them contradicting our own beliefs. But for whatever reason, we must never give up that in which we believe. As long as it does not infringe on the freedom of the person next door, my belief is that we must all do and act as we feel we are supposed to act without reservation. That gentleman, who is a lay preacher does not find any contradiction in the fact that he has two happy wives. Maybe I am also naturally a polygamist. Let he who is free of sin be the first one to cast the first stone.

Andrew Kyamagero And His True Devotion To His Relationships

By Arthur M. Katabalwa

Andrew Kyamagero

It is the season of good will and all that stuff. But seriously, this is the time when people across the globe especially those who have a Christian element in their faith show some love and togetherness. It is of course a difficult time for other reasons especially if you have lost a loved one.

Yes, it is a surprise! Sometimes it may seem like my religious intentions are in short supply. But I am fundamentally a Christian who is really bad at the whole thing despite coming from a religious back ground. Having said that, I do recognize things that my professed religion of choice prescribes. This is the time that we need to hear of good stories and basically feel good about ourselves. This season is peppered with countless stories of goodwill. And it is for this reason that I want to pay tribute to an enduring friendship that I have observed for the past five months.

Andrew and Liana share a light moment.

I met Andrew and Liana through my professional work here in Uganda. And on first observations, I thought the two had something romantic going on. You see, I have been engaged on several occasions in discussions whether someone can have a completely and purely platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Indeed many inches of newspaper columns have been written on this subject validated by scientific data. Many people believe that ultimately a male mammal has some sexual hidden agenda in any relationship with a female.

Andrew and Liana work very closely in a small room sometimes under considerable pressure. They don't share a desk and for hours on end they actually have their backs to each other. But walk into that room and one can feel the closeness of these two as they continually support one another.

Andrew with the true love of his life, Linda

As said, the first suspicion is that they are having an affair which would be difficult professionally. And indeed on many occasions I have referred Liana in marital terms to Andrew which she so graciously responds without flinching like it actually exists. It is a pleasure to see. One will know when they have a tiff, an argument especially when Andrew irritates her.

Recently Andrew and I met in some rather tragic circumstances and I spent an hour or so talking. That is when I got to hear about Andrews' partner Linda. She is a very calm, intelligent and exceptionally pretty lady. We stood in the garden away from her earshot and I asked him about her, trying to rationalize the two relationships that Andrew had with these two ladies. From the response the difference is very stark! Andrew speaks about Linda with a passion that is boundless, almost shaking with emotion. Linda is the world to him. She does no wrong and he feels like she tolerates him so much she actually saves him from himself. It was a conversation that lasted for about an hour most of which detail will forever remain confidential.

But for me it has served the purpose of looking and observing two relationships of one man between two women. Whereas I don't know Linda personally to much great length, the passion and  love by which Andrew speaks of her has no bounds. It is forcefully powerful, yet to observe Andrew and Liana at work is to see an easy friendship. It just so happens that Liana is a girl, a very pretty girl at that.

Christmas should be made of stories like this and personally I feel proud that I have come to know people like Andrew and Linda. They are an awesome couple fully committed to one another. They are facing life's' trials and tribulations together with a spiritual fortitude that is beyond compare. Yet that relationship is helped by the fact that Andrews' best friend is a woman. And there is no contradiction in that.

Merry Christmas to you Andrew and Linda. May God bless you both. You are both an awesome couple and I am proud to call you personal friends. Merry Christmas to you Liana. You are a great friend to all of us not to just Andrew. And Merry Christmas to you all.

The Summers Have Arrived For Christmas!!!

By Arthur M. Katabalwa.

This is my first Christmas in Uganda since 1996. Admittedly I was here in 2009 but I arrived in the morning and I came back to escort my father on his final journey. So I don't really count that as having spent it here.

My expectations have been skewered to what I remember we did back then. I am glad that the emphasis on gifts is really nonexistent. When I lived in the UK, we started worrying about them in September. Now the only worry for me has been the fact that on several occasions I have double booked myself for parties. I have never seen a country that downs tools around about December 1st and then embark on a period of merry making for the whole month. I am not complaining by the way. I still have parties lined up until at least the second week of January.

However, one thing that has preoccupied the local population is the annual invasion of what are called "summers". Those people who live abroad and visit Uganda every now and then. There is a general irritation among some of the population about the largess these people live by and their ostentatious ways with large headphones, fancy clothes and all that.

Now, let me speak as a retired veteran "summer". I did it religiously for two decades and I need to explain the mindset I was in. You see when many of us headed north to colder climates, we thought we had made it! And in many cases, the grass looked greener in Europe. Or at least at that time it did. So we boarded British Airways and looked out of the windows as Mpigi sailed by thinking that we were leaving behind abject poverty and failure. We were off to the land of milk and honey.

Let me not try to degrade these countries many of us went to. Indeed I still feel British because I took that country on as my adoptive country. The UK has given me many possibilities that I can never have imagined. I have been to so many places in the world protected by her Britannic Majesties' Government. But does that make me better than the people I left in Uganda? Does that make Uganda any less of a country than the UK? Certainly not. In fact I see both of them at par in what they have provided me. I now live and work happily in Kampala.

But returning to the mindset of a Summer; when we came back, we felt hot because the weather is hotter here. But in many cases many thought that in so exaggerating that, we seemed more exotic. What a load of rubbish! I have always heard the complaint about the dust. Smell the coffee, has anyone been to Prasonissi in southern Rhodes? I wouldn't think of living there for the dust. It is in Europe. And I have been to some pretty dire places in the USA where I would certainly not lay my hat. Nsangi and its green fields and noise from Kitemu interrupted by Umeme doing its thing would do me any time than that village in Louisiana (names withheld because summers live there).

But let me also explain the mindset of summers to Ugandans who are left at home. When we used to come back home we would have to show off our wealth that we have acquired. The working culture in the west is so torturous that when we come home, we want to relax and spend our hard earned  money. The holiday culture in Europe is also an influence on the behavior.

Having said that, a message mainly to the summers, please remember that unless you have come back with a house, you don't have a lot other than a suitcase of new clothes which by the way can be bought in Nakivubo. A pair of chino trousers UGX25000 and that is before bargaining. The people you are showing off that suitcase of new clothes are in a house that belongs to them outright, They don't pay all sorts of taxes and the like. And the life you complain about they live here every day. Imagine if one of them was locked up in your semi terraced house in New Cross, South London? They would complain.

Summers, stop complaining about the dust and the potholes and the lack of drinking tap water. This is Uganda. My advice is that when you are flying out from which ever airport, leave that country at the airport and come and enjoy Uganda. We here party like it is our last day. Try the market in Bugoloobi for lunch. Cheap!!! The beer? 76p a pint at British prices. Cigarettes? You can buy one stick not the whole bloody packet. The women (and men) are good looking and they know your peculiar habits. The sun is out all year round you will be desperate for a lousy day. But above all, think about coming back home! If you keep on thinking that being a summer is the be and end all, we who are back here are having the last laugh.

And to the others here in Uganda, just bear with the summers. They have a limited time to enjoy the money they have made. When one comes to Uganda and they realize that  their weekly wages can stretch that far one is bound to get excited about it. But most importantly let us enjoy what this great country Uganda has to offer. And when we go back to whichever country you summers have come from, remember those here in Uganda. They are thinking of the next "proggie". And they just meet up on the street and chat. In the west we have to have a special occasion in some random hall in Penge just to meet up. We will also be remembering you while quaffing Molokony in Wabiggalo. But I am certainly now also looking forward to a pint at my local pub in Heron Cross, Stoke On Trent when I next visit because that is also still my home as much as is Nsangi.

Where Is Your Mind?

By Arthur M. Katabalwa.

Where are we in the universe?

The 15th Century Dutch Philosopher Barluch Spinoza  said that: “The highest activity a human being can attain is learning for understanding, because to understand is to be free.”  The freedom to think and work things for oneself, I find, is one of the greatest things one can poses especially if that individual has an inquisitive mind.

There is always a desire by the human mind to question that which is perceived as true. And for that one should be able to rationalize what the kind of environment that they occupy. We have over the centuries been conditioned to think in certain ways, to behave in certain ways and act in certain ways. The society that we live in in so many ways influences these ways, sometimes culminating in what is termed as culture.

Baruch  Spinoza

But what would happen if we were allowed to think freely? What if we were allowed to questioned that very idea that we think of as sacrosanct? In many ways, we are sanctioned by society because the norms by which the very order of nature have in them, ways and means to stifle decent; a divergent view. If one were to question the very norms that govern our ways, in many ways they would be thought of as crude.

Over time one of the things that personally fascinate me is the very existence of man. Why are we here? Are we alone? My religious beliefs provide answers to some of these questions but to a certain point. Even those beliefs deter me from asking any further questions about why we are here.

But what if we are actually not here? Isn't there a remote chance that our very own existence has been made up? In my formative years a friend of mine challenged me to think that what if all that we are seeing is just a figment of our imagination? Indeed, my mind may be the only thing that exists and all that is surrounding me is just made up. If that were to be true, I have had over four decades of day dreaming just about everything down to my own existence. My mind may be wondering in a sea of nothingness, dreaming that all that I see, the seas, the sky all exist out of nothingness. I would still frighten myself because I have imagined some of the most heinous crimes ever been....that is if they have ever been.

It is with this free thinking that one finds themselves sometimes in fascinating pickles, where I tend to disagree with my very own. Sometimes it is important to create situations where we question the unquestionable. It creates a more robust mind and I think makes the development of mankind more transient. Which worries me in itself because transiency could lead to an end in itself. Whatever may exist and may seem like the creation of normality; The desire to maintain a true world order is in its own creation imperative to our existence because to let free thinking may lead to anarchy

Rest In Peace Deus Kabikire.

By Arthur M. Katabalwa

Yesterday one of the most tragic events unfolded on the streets of Kampala in the most gruesome manner. A man jumped off one of the buildings in the central business district in full view of the public and committed suicide by impaling himself on some railings. The pictures that have been posted online show a man probably in his mid to late twenties, his life ebbing away as the crowds look on in shocked horror.

Reports that circulated later are that this man who is allegedly called Deus Kabikire decided life was no longer worth living because a relationship failed. He had written a note which was recovered on the scene about the motives for his actions.

Police Preparing to remove the body off the railings.

We all at certain times in our lives face incredible heartache and grief. There are those times when things almost seem too much to bear. And to many people the essence of life itself is put in doubt. Many of us may not have the emotional stability to handle such. Personally, the worst I have faced was when my father passed away and even then, he had taken it upon himself to prepare me for his passing that when it came, I knew what to do.

I was talking to  Mark (not real name)a friend last night about the demise of Deus and how he dealt with his own emotional heartache. I found that how he dealt with it was almost methodically militaristic in nature. He has recently lost a girlfriend and he said to me that he tried to fight to get her back but when he realized that his efforts were futile, he decided to have four days of grief. He locked himself away and let himself go through the emotions. On the fourth day, he emerged telling himself that he should look forward to another person to be in love with. Mark is now in a new relationship which he says is even better than the old one although he holds no grudges.

The reaction to Deus's actions were quite varied. Many people felt sorry for him but a lot met his action with derision. When one has a society with so many problems, suicide can be a very emotive thing. But for me, it was the feeling of loss for this man that was most pressing. That he felt that life was not worth living is sad. That he felt like there was no help is also sad. Indeed we don't have the counseling services in Uganda readily available for people like him. Doreen an old school friend wrote to me and she said that she offers services for people like Deus. But in most cases, these services are mainly within the medical industry especially for people with HIV.

A lot of our people are passing by burdened by grief of all sorts. Yet we think that grief associated to death is the one most notably dealt with.  When incidents like this man decide on such actions I think we should stop and search our souls. How are people like him helped? It isn't all down to a love gone sour. Most of us have been there but have pulled through and are now living a contented life in love again, probably better after learning from our past mistakes. Deus decided to end his life in such a brutal way. The pain of it for his family is exacerbated by the fact that the arrow of life maintains its direction, moving forward. Unfortunately Deus didn't want to move on any longer with it. However I am afraid that we will not learn from that poor limp body on those railings. Relationships will still fail, people in our midst will continue feeling suicidal but there is no help whatsoever for them. And that is another tragedy in itself.

The Heat At Entebbe Airport Immigration.

By Arthur M. Katabalwa

Recently I went through immigration at Entebbe airport. It was an experience that was of no exception on the way out. In fact the lady who checked my papers on the way out was very courteous. She was actually flirtatious in a good way and she waved me on without much hustle.

Before we boarded the plane, we were yet again searched. I seem never to learn because on all occasions I tend to wear the most clumpy shoes ever with steel toe caps. I think it is my journalistic instinct that always takes over my senses. So, invariably I always tend to hold up the queue as I take off the bricks off of my feet, take my belt off and empty what seems like the entire annual copper production of Kilembe mines from my pockets!

Once I thoroughly embarrassed myself in Cairo as I was carrying a huge chunk of jack fruit (ffene) in my hand luggage which reeked to high heaven. I also thought that it was clever to carry a sun dried tilapia which showed up in comical redress on the x-ray machine!

On my way back while going through Manchester airport I was frisked in a rather intimate way in public by a heavily built ginger man while a slightly built long legged blonde with dainty hands stood by and looked on. I nearly protested! Why not the blonde? But my stories in other airports are to be saved for another day.

Last Friday, after a long journey back from the UK, I approached the immigration queues at Entebbe airport with trepidation. I had left the UK in the grip of deep dark winter so I was still wrapped up like a Christmas package. Then the heat hit me at Entebbe and I started melting. But I thought I could hold on, clear immigration then I could discard some layers. What a fool I was.

There is an honorable fight against Ebola at Entebbe. There is a queue of ladies in masks basically having a look at a form that all disembarking passengers hurriedly fill. They then check ones temperature and they wave you through. I thought how sweet? At least we are taking measures. Only that they reminded me of those ladies at a buffet at a wedding so I couldn't really stop myself laughing......then I hit the queue for passport clearance.

Now, I call upon the government to help us here. These people are so full of themselves looking through the passports like we have the whole day. It took a full 45 minutes for Ugandans to clear the immigration. I felt sorry for the others who had to apply for Visas and the like. I only had to prove that I was a returning resident. No. The lady had a perusal through my passport asking me why I had visited some countries. Is it a security threat for a Ugandan for having visited Greece 7 years ago? Incredible. But she asked anyway. And then it must have taken an eternity to stamp the passport. By now I was incandescent with rage....and melting in my arctic clothing.

I went and got my bags off the belt (I remembered what they looked like this time devoid of the bright pink ribbon I usually use) and then merrily headed for the exit. Then I saw another check point. All bags were being put through yet another of those scanners. Why I asked? I had been frisked by a ginger Manchurian  several hours earlier (wish it was the damsel), I had undressed for all to see at Doha airport (twice) and here I was trying to enter Uganda and they were checking my bags allegedly for bombs.

OK, forgive my naivety if that's what it counts down to but does anyone think that Al Shabab is going to bring bombs and all manner of carnage inducing equipment on Qatar Airways? I don't think so. So I remonstrated with the security people. I said that they were lucky we didn't have planes stuck over Mpigi in a stack waiting to land at Entebbe. In fact at that moment in time I doubt there was anything in the skies above Uganda apart from marabou storks. Entebbe was not expecting a flight in for a few hours so these people seemed to be finding something to do.

Let me ask the powers that be: Please make Entebbe airport work smart especially those security people. We dont have the traffic at the moment so let the experience be enjoyable. Learn how to check people smart not get the combined Qatar and Emirates passengers and find ways of really, really vexing us. And while you are at it trying to correct things, please improve the arrivals lounge. 

MTN, Is this your best effort?

By Arthur M. Katabalwa.

MTN has painted the countryside yellow but for how long?

Over the last few weeks and months a growing chorus of protest has been growing in the public against the services of the largest mobile services provider in Uganda, MTN. So many complaints on a personal level have been leveled against this mobile giant but in my view there seems a complacent indifference of their service to the people.

Last Friday, I arrived back in the country from a holiday to England. As soon as I arrived at the airport, I replaced the SIM card in my phone from my UK number to my Ugandan MTN number. It took me all the way to Lubowa, on Entebbe road, traffic jam, fueling and all put together for my phone to finally lock on to the MTN signal. First sign that this was going to be an experience from hell.

After a while, I excitedly decided to load some data and this was when the situation became almost comical. After several attempts at *150*1#, *160*1# and God knows what codes, I was still having no joy at all. On several occasions I got the " Wrong MMR Code" or "Operation failed...Please try again later"....then to my astonishment, the data was loaded....about all the times I had tried to load it, only now they had now depleted my phone credit, giving me so much data allowance than I needed in 24 hours or so I thought. By mid evening, the service was down. So I could not use the data anyway.

On Saturday, armed with vengeful furry I sourced there customer services numbers. First of all, two of them don't work. A lovely lady on 125 tells you which numbers to call for talk time inquiries as 121 and  123 for pay go inquiries. So I decided to ring 123. It doesn't work. First of all it takes one into phone call cul-de-sacs. After so many "dial this number" the system finally hangs upon you. Speaking to a human voice the other end of the line is nigh impossible...but I have talked to two.

On a Saturday and Sunday evening, the last thing a call center worker is an irate customer on the other end of the line. I have done call center work. All one needs is a nice customer  with some benign complaint. But these poor souls had no clue despite their best efforts. Try and ask for a manager and there is a draw of breath from these hapless souls. There is none!

MTN is still the dominant mobile internet and mobile phone service providers but at this rate they will not be able to organize a drunkards party in a brewery. The service is so bad that is beyond a joke. And when you hear the recorded mantra "Welcome to a new world" you feel like saying back "yes, out of here."  They have painted most of the country yellow with their skillful advertising but the services are no longer fit for purpose.

I am not aware what the powers that be are doing about this abject service but are they aware that is actually harming the economy? This is the problem when economies have dominant giants whom we cannot afford to fall. Probably a few irate customers like me are cannon fodder in the economic battles. The tax bill that MTN pays the government cancels out the dissatisfaction and failed business deals that one may have made. We can't effect the demise of this giant but little steps can do it. Many have joined the multitudes and voted with their wallets and left MTN. There are some of us who have invested a lot in our phone numbers that to leave would be very problematic. So we fall to the best position that all companies want of their customers; inertia.

I have since spoken to some MTN management after this debacle and they apologized for the inconvenience that was caused. I was also refunded some money.....UGX1000 to be exact which I took as an insult by the way. But my advice to them is that these systematic failures are causing irreparable harm to their business. MTN is slowly becoming synonymous with system failures and dropped calls, a company that is not in touch with their customers. How far this is true is open to debate but from where I am sitting, the system as it stands now is not sustainable. If I was asked to defend this service last Sunday afternoon, it would have been a hard sell. The managers had absconded their duties to a handful of besieged call center workers who breathlessly offered to pass on my complaints to the appropriate authorities. MTN managers, yours is a 27/7 operation. Please have someone on hand to react to any queries that may come up. The system as it stands at the moment is really, really bad. Sort it out. The whole thing; top to bottom (which may include yourselves).